Confessions of a Crusader
by Blackfire 18
Summary: On the night of Yuna's celebration for becoming a Summoner, Luzzu pulls Lulu away to reveal some very disturbing information about her past love.


**Arrival of Bad News**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy X or any of the characters there within.**

Yuna was still asleep when Lulu awoke that morning. The poor girl must have been exhausted after yesterday's events. Lulu was at once pleased and horrified that the little Yuna she had known since childhood had achieved the great honor and burden of a summoner. Pleased, of course, for Yuna's accomplishment, but also horrified at what the complications would be.

Lulu had invited Yuna to sleep in her hut for the night and the latter had graciously accepted, asleep the instant her head hit the pillow. Lulu had not slept well through the night, her competing emotions leaving her to toss and turn in her bed. And her late night conversation with Wakka about the ill timing of the newcomer had not put her at east one bit. The red-haired blitzer always seemed (even if unintentionally) to hammer those most tender of bleeding nails further into her heart with talk of Chappu. And that newcomer had resurfaced emotions in her she thought she had long since buried; he looked startlingly like her past love.

Though Lulu had shut her eyes for most of the night, her mind was awake with swirling thoughts of all that had happened just yesterday and sleep eluded her. It had not been the first time and would certainly not be the last.

So it was no surprise to Lulu to be up and about before sunrise. The mage quietly made her bed for what might be the last time for months and gave Yuna a fond caress on her forehead before exiting the hut.

She walked forward, not quite knowing where her feet were taking her, but she felt the urge to be moving or she might cramp her muscles even before the pilgrimage began later that morning. Maybe that late-night walk had not been such a good idea. Her mind was whirling with the events that had passed just last night.

* * *

A small celebration was being held in the young new summoner's honor, many of the village had attended but when the sun had set, many of the islanders went to their huts to rest after such an exciting day. Lulu attended the celebration as well, albeit for a short time when she was quite suddenly drawn away.

Only a moment before, Lulu had been gazing into the dancing fire, lost in thought, when Luzzu appeared beside her. He called her name softly and her head turned sharply in his direction; her hair ornaments tinkling at the action. She had stood off from the rest on purpose to have a moment alone, why was he intruding on it?

"Lulu, would you mind if I had a word?"

The black mage merely stared at him a moment, before nodding him to go on. Something in his demeanor appeared out of sorts—he looked anxious. Whatever Luzzu's distress was, it gave Lulu a sinking feeling, like a weight had dropped form her throat and bruised the inside of her heart.

"In private?"

The stone detached itself from her heart and landed with force into her stomach. Silently she followed Luzzu away from the warmth of the fire and villagers, away from the light and into the darkness.

The scenery they passed was lost on Lulu, she knew the island like the back of her hand. What interested her was Luzzu's rigid back. He appeared stiff even as he led Lulu to some secret place to reveal something that terribly upset him.

When he stopped at last, Lulu found her voice.

"Luzzu, what's wrong?"

He turned to face her, unhappy that she had seen through him so easily. He did not meet her eyes, he glanced to the left, then down to his feet with a heavy sigh; a sigh that said: "You are not going to like this".

Lulu wrapped her arms over her chest to serve both as stability as well as guard against the sudden chill that seized her spine. Even though her anxiety unsettled her, she silently awaited his reply, her eyebrows slightly raised.

Luzzu fidgeted a short moment to delay the news. He took a deep breath before meeting Lulu's garnet eyes, which stared back at him in a mix of terrible curiosity and foreboding.

"I would think it best that I tell you this now," he spoke softly to assure her, or perhaps to assure himself? "I don't know how much longer I might have to confess." Lulu was already bracing herself as her limbs tightened and fingers clasped all the more harshly to her elbows.

_Confess?_

"It's about Chappu." Luzza spoke unnervingly soft, but to Lulu, he might as well have yelled it to her face. Unconsciously, her lacquered finer nails bit into the sleeve of her clothing, placing undue pressure to the goosepimply arms underneath. Her spine stood rigid before it began to tremble. Lulu had to find her voice again before she could speak. Whatever to be revealed to her, she had always secretly been wishing to know.

Why had Chappu left her to become a Crusader?

"…Yes?" was all she could manage to utter.

"I was the one who convinced him to enlist." He appeared resigned at last. Even as she tried to seal herself before the horror could seize her in its terrible jaws, her walls tore away to the flood of emotions; each moment she flitted from grief to disbelief to rage.

Her next actions were unavoidable and even less controllable. Her mind blanked in the blind fury that swallowed it, and the next thing she knew was her teeth clenched, her arm outstretched and the palm of her hand stinging. She had struck so suddenly, so fiercely, it staggered even Luzzu to fall back into the jagged trunk of a palm tree.

For a long moment, there was a horrid stretch of shocking silence. Luzzu's offended cheek marred an angry red and it finally began to sting so badly that he had to rub it with his hand.

"I deserved that." He muttered, a hollow laugh with no humor emitted form his throat.

"How could you…" Lulu began and could not finish, a stinging discharge beginning to blur her vision, though her expression remained fierce. All of her suffering, her grief; compacted into a peak of one moment at finally learning why Chappu had left to become a Crusader. Why he had left them behind. And it was not enough. It was not enough to hear a reason and an apology.

Luzzu was shaking off the strike from Lulu's palm, standing once more to his feet. Lulu was struggling with aggressive compulsions to at once, deal out righteous punishment and yet not to harm Luzzu further.

"I am sorry, Lulu."

The Crusader seemed to take Lulu's silence as being unforgiven. He moved forward, arms outstretched to embrace her, but the mage stepped out of his reach. Her eyes were hard. Luzzu dropped his arms, ashamed, at a loss of what to say.

"Have you told the others?" Lulu demanded suddenly.

"No. I have yet to tell Yuna, or Wakka." The Crusader missed Lulu's slight change from rage to relief because of downcast eyes.

"Why me?" she asked lividly. "Why did you tell me first?"

A childish smile ghosted over Luzzu's lips.

"I was hoping sudden death would excuse me from future confessions." The mage was still too incensed to catch the black humor from his statement. He continued with a frown. "I came to you first because I knew this news would hit you as hard as Wakka, and I wanted to get the worst over with quickly. And I must admit, I was expecting more injury than just a smack to the face—I was expecting to leave the island in a stretcher."

None of these half-hearted jokes seemed to cheer Lulu, whose glare would have set fire to the buttercups she gazed at, and he cleared his throat uncomfortably, filled with uncertainty as her silence goaded him further. "I hope you will find it in you to forgive me someday, though if you care not to, I completely understand." Luzzu's voice cracked somewhat and he cleared his throat. "I must inform the others now."

He began to move off, but not before seeing Lulu's head snap up.

"No!" she shouted a little too loudly and then lowered her voice. "You can't tell them; especially Wakka." She was glaring hard at Luzzu, approaching him with the slow stalk of a predator, though her face betrayed a measure of fear. "Wakka…he would…" Lulu closed her eyes and shook her head lightly; her hair ornaments tinkling in a foreboding way. "He would never forgive you. He would…" but she could not continue the dark notion. The woman determinedly looked up at him again as she closed the last of the distance between them. "I forbid it."

Luzzu stared at her. She saw that his cheek was still an angry red and she could not dispel that it felt right being there. A small war of conflicting wills waged between them. "Wakka must know." Luzzu said.

"No," Lulu said, allowing the authoritative tone she used for Wakka to flow into the word. It did not fail on Luzzu. "For your own sake, I forbid it. I have known Wakka for most of my life and I know how he will react to this." She continued more quietly. "Out of respect for me, and Chappu, I ask that you do not tell him."

Luzzu regarded her with dismay.

"You would rather carry this burden alone?"

"Yes." She replied even more quietly. Luzzu did not question her reasons.

"Is there nothing I can do to help?" he asked with equal cheerless disquiet.

Lulu looked up at him again, the fire from her eyes now only burning embers of a once vibrant youth. "Keep your silence." _Bear your guilt_. She thought, but did not voice it. And where her entire posture seemed to exude his dismissal, Luzzu tarried.

"Will you tell him?"

A light breeze passed over the both of them. Lulu inhaled the warm air before she answered, the Crusader still hesitated; he sought to be repentant for his deed, she knew, but if Wakka ever discovered the truth…The mage fixed him with a firm gaze.

"No."

"Very well," Luzzu bowed deeply to the mage in prayer, knowing there would be nothing more to argue with her. "I will honor your wishes and tell no one." He was still bowed low as he spoke his last words. "I am truly sorry."

The man turned as he rose, leaving Lulu to the dark of the night. She did not realize she was shaking as she watched him leave; the man who had taken Chappu from her. The man she had known to be a friend had become a betrayer. Though his apology meant well, it was simply not enough!

Destructive spells hovered on her lips and she had to turn her back to the retreating figure quickly before the magic could discharge. She could almost feel her fury shred at the fringes of her control and she pressed forward, willing herself to be calm. It could have been much worse. She could have discovered Luzzu lying somewhere the next morning, utterly deceased.

Lulu realized that Luzzu had led her a short distance out of the village, and caught the form of the Crusader disappear obediently into the Crusader's lodge. He would speak with no one else tonight. This knowledge brought small relief to the mage, but she was still pointedly upset and so she strode up the incline to get her mind off the whole endeavor. Easily destroying fiends that crossed her path, she went as far as the foreign Al Bhed sign in the shadow of the three pillars and finally turned back, meeting even less offending creatures on her return.

A resolution had formed in her mind during her excursion; she would visit the temple to calm herself there. The singing of the fayth was always a comfort to the faithful.

Of course, as she reentered the village, she was halted by none other than Wakka.

"Hey Lu! Wait up, ya?" Wakka's best attempt at his more quiet voice was still rather boisterous to hear. Lulu sighed, he was the last person she wanted to encounter at the moment (other than Luzzu). She turned haltingly to face him. He looked concerned. "Ay, did you just come from out there?" Wakka motioned to the village gate. Her expression must have looked more severe than usual because he became more anxious. "Is something wrong?"

Thinking quickly, Lulu found an excellent means to cover up her true distress.

"Why did you invite that stranger into our village?"

Wakka's face dropped effectively. "Oh dat, ya well, eh…" he struggled for an answer. "See, he came up from the sea, like outta nowhere, and he said he had been real close to Sin an—"

"What?" Lulu said, shocked; almost forgetting her conversation with Luzzu. The credibility and sanity of the blonde haired boy plummeted as far as Lulu was concerned. "What were you thinking? Someone who claims to have come close to Sin in the village? Do you realize what kind of panic that could have caused?"

"No, no, I think it's just Sin's toxin playing tricks on his mind, ya?"

"That boy has been in _contact_ with Sin?"

"See Lu, the way I figure it, is he don't remember most of his past here, he thinks he came from Zanarkand."

"He thinks _what?"_

"No Lu, listen. Don't you think he looks a lot like Chappu?"

Pain twisted at Lulu's heart. The young boy did so resemble her past love and she was shocked at his sudden appearance. She had foolishly thought that perhaps this had been fate; that Chappu had returned in another form. She reprimanded herself for such irrational thoughts and now Wakka was tearing at the tender hollow in her heart again.

"Wakka…" Lulu began edgily, but was interrupted by Wakka's indulgent, hopeful cheer.

"He said he rode on Sin, that he was not harmed on contact with Sin. So I was thinking, maybe when Chappu fought Sin at Djose…"

"_Wakka_…"

"Maybe Chappu survived, Lu. Maybe he's alive somewhere and we just have to find him! Chappu might still be—"

"He's dead, OK? Dead!" Lulu snapped finally, weary of this fathomless well of hope Wakka always had for his brother being alive. This disillusioned hope that was steadily breaking Lulu's mentality with each fatal speculation. This statement silenced Wakka as though she had struck him. "He does look a lot like Chappu," she agreed more softly, "but no matter what he looks like, he isn't Chappu. You shouldn't have brought him here in the first place!"

"Yeah but, he needed our help." Wakka spoke up meekly. Even if the boy wasn't Chappu, which he so vainly hoped, Tidus needed to recover from Sin's toxin. That whole Zanarkand story was kind of a stretch as it were…

"Excuses again?" Lulu demanded, impatient with Wakka's antics.

"Yeah, but…"

"That's it, no more. Enough Wakka." She had had enough. Enough of Wakka's wild theories about his brother; enough about his dragging in whatever he found at the beach, inanimate or otherwise. Enough of this false hope. She spun on her heel, continuing on to the temple as though nothing had stopped her. Lulu heard Wakka start after her with the scuffle of rocks against his sandaled feet, but he did not follow.

Guilt added to the weight of the terrible secret she now bore and she felt her heart might burst as she mounted the steps to the temple. She willed her mind to blank itself of Chappu and Luzzu holding his cheek and Wakka looking dejected. Her eyes were blurring her path again, but she blinked them back. Not here, not now.

She stood before the statue of Lord Braska when she looked up. She prostrated herself before the statue, mind blissfully still of images as the singing of the fayth washed over her. All was silence but for the singing Lulu so relished. She stood up straight once more, gazing up at the High Summoner with as stony an expression as his.

A small hand fell on her shoulder. Lulu turned abruptly to its owner. Mismatched eyes met hers.

"Yuna, what are you doing up this late? You must be exhausted." The mage's voice took on a gentle chiding air despite herself.

"I am." The new summoner admitted sheepishly. "I was actually on my way out after speaking with my father," Yuna looked admiringly up at her father's statue as she spoke, "but then you came in looking so unhappy. You didn't even hear me call your name. What's wrong?"

Lulu sighed. "It's nothing that you should concern yourself with."

"But I am concerned, Lulu. Tell me what's bothering you." The hand on Lulu's shoulder squeezed lightly. The mage managed her most reassuring smile for the girl.

"It's nothing really." Lulu placed a hand over Yuna's. The latter did not look convinced by Lulu's words, but the older woman continued before Yuna could press her. "You've had a hard day, why don't you come sleep in my hut for the night?"

Yuna surprised Lulu with a hug.

"I hope you'll tell me eventually." Yuna whispered before stepping back and linking arms with the mage. The summoner started forward, having to tug Lulu into the first step. "So, which bed do I get?"

* * *

Lulu spied Luzzu leaving the Crusader's lodge. He spotted her immediately and nodded. She inclined her head in response and he went on his way. Wakka came striding up, a big blue sword slung over his shoulder. He had noticed the small exchange between the mage and Crusader, but said nothing of it. There were more pressing matters at hand.

"About last night Lu…"

"Don't worry about it." She said. Wakka's tense shoulders relaxed at this easy pardon. "If anyone should apologize, it's me."

"Nah," Wakka waved off the assertion. "I'm just glad we ain't fighting, especially since we're leaving today."

"Me too."

Wakka beamed at this honest agreement and he surprised Lulu by throwing an arm around her shoulders.

"Things will be all right, ya?"

"Yeah," Lulu said her eyes lingering suspiciously on the familiar sword. "What are you bringing that for?"

Wakka's arm slid from Lulu, his eyes rolling innocently but Lulu knew he had already made plans for it.

"Oh this? Uh, well, it's for the new guy…"

"_What?_"

* * *

**Author's Note: Heh, I couldn't think of any better way to end it other than to go all the way to the end of the game. But knowing me, that could take years. In fact, I meant to stop right after Luzzu walks away, so BONUS! for all you lucky folks! **

**It's the funniest thing, the first time I played the game, I totally skipped over the bit with Luzzu over by the precipice. That was so juicy too! I was so angry for missing it! I went to Guadosalam and was all "duh" over the Farplane discussion with Lulu because I had missed the whole scene with Luzzu. What!? Engagement with Chappu?? Yes, it kind of spoiled things for me, but I learned of it by trial and error and finally got to see it (a few times. I watched it a few times.) and I heartily enjoyed it. I've been wanting to write the scene Luzzu hinted at on the precipice about Lulu "She hit me too." Cracked me up. I'm pleased to finally have it done.**

**Tell me what you think--please review!**

**Blackfire 18**


End file.
